What to do with myself?

In Capacity Building, Gen X, Growing Up, Home Life on June 21, 2010 at 9:45 pm

This blog post started as a frustrated Facebook update.  I couldn’t even bring myself to tweet it.  I go back and forth between Twitter and Facebook.  Before I go into the reasons for this blog post, let me just lay out the rules of how I choose to tweet or facebook…

I tweet when I know I can be brief and when I have a link I want to share that is somehow consistent with my online version of myself.  I’ve branded myself as a “Generation X Dad working in International Development.”  So, anything related to parenting (only if it’s suitable for public consumption), relief work, or John Hughes movies basically…

I facebook update more personally relevant things, like pictures of my kids, longer comments about things, or just basically when I want attention from my own personal zeitgeist.  I know that I will get at least someone to click the “like” button about 80% of the time.  If I don’t I feel despondent, which I hate that I feel… but I’ve already digressed.

No, but why I’m writing is that I’m feeling frustrated… And this is the worst reason to blog (but it’s my reason tonight!!)  There are just not enough hours in the day, and I have neither the space,  concentration, nor the patience to focus on a creative outlet.  But it still frustrates the hell out of me.  I have this internal picture of myself as Mr. Renaissance man – like when I was in early undergraduate college… I was a tennis player, photographer, musician, writer, traveller… the world is your oyster, the future is limitless.  Not that that was the happiest I’ve ever been, not by a long shot.  Think of how insecure and naive we all were…

I’m not saying I’m not happy – I love my life, I love my wife, my kids, my career…  I think what I’m really saying is that I had some free time tonight and was so overwhelmed by the open-ness of the space that I didn’t know what to do with myself.  Do I catch up on all the TED videos I’ve been meaning to watch?  Do I try to learn a little more about the Agriculture work I’m supposed to be a practitioner of now?   Should I write a blog post?

It’s just life with kids, Thirtysomething life, I think.  Things are always evolving.  Now we grow with our kids – when they need sleep, we make sure they have it.  When we need them home, we stay home.  I work in an office – I can’t work from home, and when I’m home there’s not really the space or time for a proper avocation.

Who am I kidding, I’m not the type anyway.  I’m all over the place, I’m now used to doing everything in little chunks, nothing for more than a few minutes at a time.  I am rapidfire, quick reaction, rash, and impatient.  The sooner I learn to work with myself rather than against myself, the more content I’ll be.

That’s the voyage I’ve taken you all on tonight.  Thanks for the company.


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